I only kidnapped one of them. chill
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
