funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
