i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
