Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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