i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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