She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
