Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She told me I should be a condom model.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
