paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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