and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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