I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
