season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
