is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
