I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
