Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
