There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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