im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
