Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
