I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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