just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
