Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
