no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
