I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize