Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
