I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
