I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
