glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize