Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
