Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
God I need to hump something, right now.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
