There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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