i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
