Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
