there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
