Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
