so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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