Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
