I got chris browned last night
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
