The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
