i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm getting married
To pizza
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
