Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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