Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
