If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
