I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Randomize
