Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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