I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
