not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
