Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize