just tell him i said nine months
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
