he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
