The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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