no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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