Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
