Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
