is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Send help, water and tortillas.
This is classic penis vs brain.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
