I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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