is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
