I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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