chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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