dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
