why didn't you poke me back
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
