So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
