and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
