I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You can't special order awesome
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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