There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
