I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
