apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
