Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
