finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
