I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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