It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
