Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My liver just broke up with me...
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
