I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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