when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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