Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
