I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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