how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
